Ah the madness

It seems as though I never have time to blog anymore but I do think its important so here it goes. I just recently moved into a new apartment I am completely in love with it. The kitchen is even my size! It reminds me of the 50's.
I really love living in the city there is so much to do and so many awesome people I find that the adventures are endless. Now if we could just get the sun on board my life would be set! I just want it to be warm soooo bad! I long for warm bike rides and drum circles and everything else the summer brings.
I've been writing a lot of music lately and have played a couple open mics in the area. Even acidently crashed someones solo show but they didn't seem to mind they liked my sound and I got invited to play the next week.
I've fallen in love with the thrift stores out here I spent three hours in one the other day looking at their dress rack something about old dresses makes my soul sparkle.
I guess you could say my life is pretty good. A millon times better than it was a year ago that's for sure.

Tuesday Tales

Wow time seems to fly without me even knowing it and just like that the year is almost over. i cant believe how much has happened in one year and it just shows how we really do create our reality. i wish i could write more but how often do i think oh i should blog. well not often enough. the holidays make me happy things get a little brighter and i think that i am also getting brighter i feel like things that seemed so hard before are easier now i just get it. next year will be a whole new playing feild complete energy change will we tune in? we have got to use this time to our advantage we are gonna need it. here is to the future and everything it brings. bring forth enlightenment

And I go back to...

I am sorry its taken me a while to post I have been trying to figure out what to even say at this point.
I am back in utah trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life. I went to new jersey with hope that I really would make a good nanny, and that I would be taking a step in the right direction but I wasnt prepared for it. I didnt have enough experience even though I told them I did, I couldnt make it real. I am now feeling pretty embarrassed.. I am almost 5 months clean and I keep hoping Ill find the right path.
I know I shouldnt have lied to them, I really do, I just didnt want them to think less of me.
I think in the past I have done crazy things but they were always for drugs, or boys I really just wanted to make my life better. I realize now that I have to start at the base and get a job than work up. I think I am going to start school maybe that will bring some direction. to be honest Ive never felt more directionless than now. but I know that I cant just give up. A best friend once told me. Life is about how fast you can get back to good. I am working on that. I have been so scared to call the family because of how stupid I feel. I mean what do I say?  Where do I even begin?
I think I need a life coach or something just some help to guide me to where I need to be in life because honestly I have know idea. Please dont give up on me.
I know you guys are probably thinking what the hell but I really need your guys love and support and advice. I know I've disapointed you guys but I  hope you guys can still be there for me because its really what I need most. I love you guys and I really am sorry for letting you down, I cant promise I wont do it ever again but I can promise I am trying. and hopefully someday we can all look back at these times and laugh because we will all be better off and happy.

Tales All

I talked to a willow tree she said that they were planning to come to our planet and that we all needed to start training if we wanted to stand a chance of remaining free. She began to explain that the they were completely different from us, they communicated telepathically and had the ability to get in our minds without us even knowing, they can plant thoughts and control Human technology many of them have taken human souls as hosts. What do they want with us? None of us are really sure. I asked the Tree where I could get this training, she said it would be a long journey and that I would have to travel alone, she told me of a house in a village across the sea where I would find an alchemist who would begin my training. I would need to bring her a root only found in the deepest forest. I would need to find it, for that I needed to find a tribe that lives in these forests. I would need to live with the tribe and learn from them for they were wise and had very spiritual rituals that would help me pull on the earth for energy to stand against them. She told me id know when the time is right to leave and that I would know where to go. She said the spirits would guide me if I listened.  I just need to leave head into the wilderness and go forth. And if I ever get lost the trees would guide me if I called upon them. 

never thought Id say it

But I am definitely home sick.
Dont get me wrong I love this opportunity and Im glad I am here but lately Ive been missing my life, The People, The coffee shops, and the ability to "Get wild"
I read in a lot of nanny books and even talking to other nannys they have told me that the first month is the hardest and that it is normal to think "Im not cut out for this" but to keep going that it gets easier.
My kids still dont listen and they fight with each other all the time. I have started reading books on how to change behaviors in children. And hopefully I will see results. I think the problem is they are very spoiled and when they freak out and scream there parents just give them what they want. which isnt helpful because then I am the bad guy ha.
I dont know I just really hope things get better. I know I need to have patience and wait it out. but some days I am all but ready to pack my bags and come home.
I know thats dramatic.
I got this laptop yesterday I am sure Ill be blogging more!

Plane rides, Tantrums and hurricanes OH MY!

Sorry I havent updated this sooner I have been sooo busy I guess Ill start from the day before upto today :D
So the night before I finished up packing and hung out with a few of my closest friends, I was sad because I didnt get to see this boy that Ive been kind of seeing but we had both decided we didnt want one of those dramatic goodbyes and plus he is coming to see me in december any ways the night before I stayed up all night so I could sleep on the plane so after all the laughs and crying was done I got in my taxi and drove to the airport. getting through security was a breeze and I flew out without a problem I pretty much slept the entire way to washington dc where I was SUPPOSED and I stress supposed to have an hour delay well as soon as I got there I found out my flight had been cancelled, well having no idea I called Dylan (the boy <3) FREAKING out, well his dad is a pilot so he told me exactly what to do and assured me id be fine well they told me all the flights were full and that they could put me on a flight in the morning so I started bawling and they told me to try and get on a stand by after talking to 4 different gates and waiting in line for an hour to be told I was in the wrong place they directed me to the right flight where they happened to be booking the flight before mine that had been delayed, well they tried telling me they couldnt put me on that flight and I said "actually you can" and at this point my make up was down my face well after 10 min of convincing and crying I was let on the plane and I was off to new jersey the flight seemed so short and before I knew it I was in NJ well wqhenm I got there I couldnt find my luggage well come to find out they didnt have it (I had to wait two days to get it. H_H I was not happy about it.)  the family was waiting for me outside the airport with a welcome Miss Heather signs and happy faces. the ride home the kids were asking me a bunch of questions and of course they were fascinated by my tattoo. well we got home and I was shown my room which is BRIGHT orange and they said to really make it my own. we discussed the nanny manuel and went to sleep. I had work in the morning. well I am not going to sugar coat it. the first day. HELL. these kids told me know to just about everything I said they were fighting and yelling, I felt like Id walked into a nanny 911 episode I even texted dylan telling him id be home in a week. well the parents got home and told me they had a surprise for me so we went on a drive and they drove into this mexican neighborhood and thats Where I met Prudence. Prudence Is my Nanny Van she is beautiful and My first car. her back seat turns into a bed ;] and she is nintendo compatible. I love her I have been driving her everywhere. Its funny I was ready to quit but after I saw her all my worries/ problems just melted away. I have to say things have been 100 times easier the kids are starting to listen to me and respect me and cooking is getting easier. My kids go back to school tomorrow so Ill just have Ian (4 yrs) during the day. who Ill be home preschooling which I am soooo excited to do. he is by far my favorite. New york City is only 35 min away from where I live and Bright eyes is playing this week I was planning on taking my van and getting back stage pass to it and when I told the parents they BOUGHT my ticket. I am making 700 a week but they told me to save my money :D I am now buying a laptop with a webcam! OH I am sure you guys saw the news about the hurricane well we lare find only a few trees fell and no serious damage. the basement got a little wet but we werent even there we stayed in a marriot sweet :D eating room service and swimming. they got me my own suite but Of course by the end of the night I had a scared munchkin in my bed. Nothing like a hurricane to welcome you :D I dont  know how much Ill be able to blog just because Of how busy I will be. Catrina (7 yrs) starts dance this week and well soccor season is starting. ha wow I am starting to sound like a mom well I love and miss you guys I keep saying "are the mountains Hiding?" ha.

And its official

Place:This Is Whitehouse Station, New Jersey approximately 1960 miles away.
On august 25th Ill be moving here to be a nanny of  3 very smart kids ages 4, 7, and 10 I am really excited this is going to be quite the adventure.
here are the kids.